A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much:
Those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Carpet-layers make great dancers - they can really cut a rug!
Why don't pumpkins run with the bulls?
They are afraid of getting squashed or gourd.
Constipated people don’t give a crap.