Found For Friday

 A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hired a boy to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flock of birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim.

The guide grabbed his arm and said "Oh,no! These are foo birds and to shoot one means terrible things will happen to you! The man figured that was only a superstition of the locals and shot one down. Then the rest of the flock returned and pooped all over him.

He hollered at the boy, "I must have some water right away to wash this mess off."

The boy said "Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo bird off means sudden death immediately!"

Again the hunter ignored his advice, found water and got cleaned off.

Sure enough he dropped dead then and there.

The moral of this story is "If the foo shits, wear it."

 A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience.  She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.  It gallops along at  a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.  She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.  The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.

 Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'' ''Yes, What can I do for you?'' '' I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'' ''Thank you very much for the call, sir.'' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood. but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly after, the phone rings at Virgil's house. ''Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?'' ''Yeah!'' '' Did they chop your firewood for the winter?'' ''Yep!'' ''Happy Birthday Buddy!"

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. He ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What on earth did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same accursed turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory you have!" commented the giraffe.

"Why, yes -" replied the elephant, "turtle recall".

 GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten overly-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the

worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said...... 

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "

“We don’t allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,” said the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.

 A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
o  
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
o  
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
o  
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

Friday Cat Blogging

Thanks for stopping by,  Thanks for all the jokes you sent this week and have a great week-end.

Found on Facebook

This is related to the Chocolate Post below..

shana tovah u'metukah,

 The new year bagan with a beautiful sunset last evening.  This is the year 5772.

 Pretty nice sky for a sunset for the High Holy Days to begin.

Rosh Hashanah is the beginning of the Jewish High Holy Days, or Yamim Noraim (the "Days of Awe"), and is followed 10 days later by Yom Kippur, the "day of atonement." The Mishnah refers to Rosh Hashanah as the "day of judgment," and it is believed that God opens the Book of Life on this day and begins to decide who shall live and who shall die. The days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are viewed as an opportunity for Jews to repent (teshuvah, in Hebrew) and ensure a good fate.

Jews traditionally gather in synagogues on Rosh Hashanah for extended services that follow the liturgy of a special prayerbook, called a mahzor, that is used during the Days of Awe. At specific times throughout the service, a shofar, or ram's horn, is blown. The mitzvah (commandment) to hear the shofar, a literal and spiritual wake-up call, is special to this time of year.

The new year is the only Jewish holiday that is observed for two days by all Jews (other holidays are observed for just one day within the Land of Israel) as it is also the only major holiday that falls on a new moon.

A common greeting on Rosh Hashanah is shana tovah u'metukah, Hebrew for "a good and sweet new year." Many traditional Rosh Hashanah foods -- apples and honey, raisin challah, honey cake and pomegranate -- are eaten, in part, for this reason.  (Huffington Post)

Cool and Bright Misty Morning - Photos by Bob Kelly

It was a pastoral surprise that made me stop my car a half mile down the road, turn around, and come back to this scene, and what a joy to know it was still there, and I could capture it to be seen here.  The cows were silently grazing on the moist grass covered with dew, and some of wire fencing was glowing from the reflecting light.  It was one of those moments, where you almost had to be there to fully appreciate it, but this is the next best thing.  I hope you can enjoy it with me.

Cultural Awarness 101

"Hi. This is candidate Sarah Palin. Is Senator Lieberman in?"

"Not today, Mrs. Palin. This is Rosh Hashanah."

"Well, hello, Rosh. Can I leave a message?"






 

Happy New Year

At Sundown today the High Holy Days begin.  I used to always teach the calendar lesson on this day by starting out the day saying "Happy New Year" to my class and then I would go on to explain that not everyone celebrates the new year on January 1.  The following Video explains in Hip Hop what the next ten day are all about.  Clever

Chocolate is a Sacrament

One bite and you are transported to heaven.  - Jay Simser

The following are from 50 quotes about Chocolate.  

Read the rest here.

"What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate." - Katherine Hepburn

"There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate." - Linda Grayson

"The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain." - Thomas Jefferson

"I never met a chocolate I didn't like." - Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." - Dave Barry

"Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one?s life ... but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat - these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country." - Roald Dahl

"I owe it all to little chocolate donuts." - John Belushi

"Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go." - Truman Capote

"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!" - Terry Moore

"Chocolate: Here today ... Gone today!" - Anonymous

"Life is like a box of chocolates ... You never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

"There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles." - Anonymous

"Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays." - Anonymous

"Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate." John Milton, The Devil's Advocate

"Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate." - Patrick Skene Catling

ISUDM performs a Lip Dub to Katy Perry's Firework.

Iowa State Dance Marathon is the largest student-run philanthropy on our campus. We improve the lives of the patients and families at the University of Iowa Children's Hospital by raising funds and awareness. Each January, we hold a 15-hour event at our Memorial Union where we celebrate the cause.
All credit for the music goes to Katy Perry and probably her label.

The Maccabeats

You can find out more about this group here.  My sister had this up on Facebook.  Since the High Holy Days are pending I thought it was good to share. 

It's Class Warfare, All Right - OtherWords

It's Class Warfare, All Right - OtherWords

Republicans are accusing President Obama of waging class warfare, which is a little like the Japanese complaining about the time Pearl Harbor attacked them in 1941. Donald Kaul

Oh Wow! -

 Some time on Sunday the counter hit 200,000 hits.  This is just awesome. I thank everyone for stopping by and welcome you back whenever you wish.  I shall open a bottle of Vodka for a toast. After all:

And our doctors tell us that we should drink more water.  In the meantime.  Miles is not here this week-end. Jon is supposed to bring him over on Monday so we shall see if I can get a picture.  The house is a mess.  I have been working all day on getting things ready for meetings next week-end.  Treasurer's report for Specialis Procer is done.  Minutes printed for St. Bartholomew Conclave. Pre-minutes done and sent off for approval.   Now to get the other reports done that I need to do.  Below is a group of pictures from the Iowa College SRICF which met last Friday night.  I rode over with Craig and we had a wonderful time.  Second and First Orders plus a wonderful Prime Rib dinner.



I spent Saturday recuperating from the day Friday.  Then I fell asleep watching TV tonight. Life is good.  Thanks for stopping by Hugs. (And yes I know that about 5000 of those hits were from me checking, rechecking,  editing, etc.

Addendum - Got this from a friend.

Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys.

Rum and ice will ruin your liver.

Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart.

Gin and ice will ruin your brain.

Coke and ice will ruin your teeth......

Apparently ice is lethal... Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!!"  Copy & paste this immediately, it can save a life!

80 Years of Planning: The Kochs + The Family + Birchers = Tea Party

Conspiracy theory or factual. I was suspicious when Mr. Obama had Rick Warren give the invocation at his inauguration - now I wonder?

On the Level - With Rock Star Rick Wakeman (from the band YES and BBCs W...

Why is this a "Donut Tree?" Photos by Bob Kelly

 Now you know why!

Recommendations - Some things I found on the Internets

Alecia takes us on a ride through Zeeland over at her blog.

Craig (former student) pointed me to a movie about a man who Makes on Facebook.

Bullying is Violence.  Short Video here.

(I used to have a sign in my classroom - It said: "You can't lift yourself up by putting others down."

There are some great fall pictures over at Little Bang Theory.

There are always great pictures there.

Speaking of blogs with great pictures the above is from Dianne's Photography Blog Do You See What I See.

Still Waiting Mr. Roosevelt

In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.

The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way -- everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants -- everywhere in the world.

The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor -- anywhere in the world.

That is no vision of a distant millennium. It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our own time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called “new order” of tyranny which the dictators seek to create with the crash of a bomb.

To that new order we oppose the greater conception -- the moral order. A good society is able to face schemes of world domination and foreign revolutions alike without fear.

--President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, January 6, 1941


Friend and Brother Whipple pointed me to this article about Norman Rockwell's paintings of the Four Freedoms.

Addendum.  See Comment below.  Here is the picture he sent.

Quote for today

Albert Camus:

But what then is capital punishment but the most premeditated of murders, to which no criminal's deed, however calculated it may be, can be compared? For there to be equivalence, the death penalty would have to punish a criminal who had warned his victim of the date at which he would inflict a horrible death on him and who, from that moment onward, had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a monster is not encountered in private life.

Found For Friday

 An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand. The farmer says, "Trinken sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen," which means, 'Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs shit in it.'
The guy shouts back, "I'm a Teabagger, and this is America. I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, you moron." The farmer says, "Use two hands, you'll get more." ~Dave Birkey

 Happy Gardening!
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra.Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her
'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
And the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother That she has friends coming over And that it is just not appropriate...

The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie.If you can show off your rose buds,
Then I can display my hanging baskets.

 'I had  to look  up "paraprosdokian". Here is the  definition:"Figure of speech in  which  the latter part of a sentence or phrase is  surprising or  unexpected; frequently used  in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a  type of  paraprosdokian. Ok,  so now enjoy!    


 1.   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat  you with experience.   


 2.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But  it's still on my list.  
  3.  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.    


4.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.   


 5.  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.  


 6.  War does not determine who is right - only who is left.    


7.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.    

 8.  Evening news is where they  begin with  'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.   


 9.  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is   research.    


10.  A bus station is where a  bus stops. A  train station is where a train stops.  On my  desk, I have a  work station.    


11.  I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.   


12.  Whenever I fill out an application, in the part  that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'    


13.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming  you.    


14.  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.  
15.   Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a  successful man is usually another woman.
    16.  A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.   


 17.  I asked God for a bike, but  I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.   

 18.  You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.    


19.  Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live  with.    


20.  There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.    


21.  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
    22.  You're never too old to learn something stupid.   


23.  To be sure of hitting the  target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.   


24.  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.   


25.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.   


26.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a  car.   


 27. A  diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.    


28.  Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were. 

29.  I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.    


30.  When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.Words of Wisdom"The early bird may get the  worm, but the second mouse gets the  cheese." 

Happy Friday Everyone.  Have a great week-end.

The New Facebook/Netflix

Big Changes Coming to Facebook.

Clicking on the link above will take you to an article about the changes proposed for Facebook.  You know Facebook has made many changes and I know it is a free service and they can do what they want.  I have enjoyed being on it. It was easy to use and it kept me in touch with some friends and also I was able to keep up with news from various sites.  I could remain somewhat private about things (choosing not to advertise my birthday for example) and let my opinions hang out when I wanted them to.

Well I have scanned the above article and I am not to sure I am going to stay there.  The look of the proposed Facebook looks to me like "My Space"  - somewhere I have a My Space account but I can't access it because I left there months and months ago and have forgotten the password.  It is not worth it to me to go back because I don't like it.  It is too clunky and it is not easy to communicate with my friends or to keep up with what is happening in their lives.  

Netflix changed my set up and started charging me more.  I do not use their streaming service and when I went to check on it and discovered that perhaps I should have been paying more attention. To make a long story short.  They raised my rates by almost twice and when I went to change to the service I wanted and which I was using all the time I found out that I was stuck with it for a month,  So I will watch as many movies as I can this month and I have it on my calendar to cancel it next month. 

In the case of Facebook,  I may just stop posting and reading. If it becomes like My Space I am gone.  I can keep up with things on Reader and my blog is still here.  Sometime this week I will hit 200,000 hits and that is impressive to me.  It requires a lot of time and I really don't need to be on either of the other places.

Oh and don't invite me to google + - I won't be joining it or Twitter.  I already waste too much time on this.

Every Once in Awhile

The only cartoon I read regularly is Non-Sequitur.  Every once in awhile one of them has me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.  As a retired teacher I somehow related to today's Cartoon.  Thanks NS for brightening my day.

From the Wiki

We are entering my second favorite season of the year.. So I looked it up in Wikipedia to learn about the word.

The word autumn comes from the Old French word autompne (automnein modern French), and was later normalised to the original Latin wordautumnus. There are rare examples of its use as early as the 12th century, but it became common by the 16th century.

Before the 16th century, harvest was the term usually used to refer to the season, as it is common in other West Germanic languages to this day (cf. Dutch herfst and German Herbst). However, as more people gradually moved from working the land to living in towns (especially those who could read and write, the only people whose use of language we now know), the word harvest lost its reference to the time of year and came to refer only to the actual activity of reaping, and autumn, as well as fall, began to replace it as a reference to the season.

The alternative word fall for the season traces its origins to old Germanic languages. The exact derivation is unclear, the Old English fiæll orfeallan and the Old Norse fall all being possible candidates. However, these words all have the meaning "to fall from a height" and are clearly derived either from a common root or from each other. The term came to denote the season in 16th century England, a contraction of Middle English expressions like "fall of the leaf" and "fall of the year".

It is determined by the Fall Equinox which is on Friday this year.  To read about it Click here.