Found for Friday

What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

She then asked if she could help me.

I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister"..

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.

...1/3 ownership in the store,

...a company pickup truck,

...a king size bed and

...$3,000 a month in living expenses"

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped 

into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. 

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come 

forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items 

would you like to buy?"

(Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?)

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly 

neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a 

table."Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We 

may not have 45 minutes."They were seated immediately.

 The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the 

aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed 

her father and placed something in his hand.The guests in the front 

pews responded vwith ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled 

broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him 

back his credit card.

 Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning 

over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine 

spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful 

teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's 

lives.."

Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. 

Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean 

to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. 

Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she 

sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell  me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

 

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last 

request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening 

and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."

 

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to 

poison me. What should I do?"

 

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I 

can find out and I'll let you know."

 

A week later the Rabbi calls the man.He says, "I spoke to your wife on 

the phone for three hours.You want my advice?"

 

The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

 

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

  If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from 

vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive 

faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?