Found for Friday

 Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I

feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think 

about the workers in the brewery and all of their 

hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they 

might be out f work and their dreams would be 

shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer 

and let their dreams come true than be selfish and 

worry about my liver."

 Babe Ruth

 I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” 

He showed me a naked picture of my wife.’

 "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, 

that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

 Lyndon B. Johnson

   "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

 Paul Hornung

 "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  I think not."

 H. L. Mencken 

 "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we 

fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's 

all get drunk and go to heaven!"

 George Bernard Shaw

 "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

 Benjamin Franklin

 "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. 

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not 

go nearly as well with pizza."

 Dave Barry

 BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!

 W. C. Fields

 Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

 Professor Irwin Corey

 To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.  Salvation in a can!

 Leo Durocher

Water in the carburetor... 

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water
in the carburetor.

" HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.

" HUSBAND: "You don't
even know what a carburetor is. 

I'll check it out. Where's the car? 

WIFE: "In the pool"

 Worrisome statistic:
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. 

That dddd means 75% are running around untreated.

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.

The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off." 

She replies "You better jack off, I've got a headache"