Friday, April 25, 2014

Found For Friday

 A man walks into a bar. He sits down next to another man and on the bar in front of him there is a guy who is a foot tall playing a little piano.
"Where did he come from?" said the first man.
"There is a genie out back granting everyone one wish," says the other guy.
So the man goes into the back alley and sure enough there is a genie.
"I'll grant you one wish," says the genie.
So the man says, "Ok, I wish for a million 
bucks."
At first nothing happens. Seconds later a duck walks into the alley,
then another one, then another. Then ducks just start pouring into 
the alley from every entrance, they come from over top the 
building, they come from everywhere. The man freaks out and runs 
back inside and sits down next to the other man.
"I think that genie is a little hard of hearing," he says. "I wished 
for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks."
And the other man says,"I know. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn 
 You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
~ Jeff Foxworthy
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
~ Desmond Tutu 
 America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman

Today my wife said. "Can you fix that gutter downpipe?"

Well, I'm retired so I invited some of my mates over to help.
One brought his welder.
It took us about 4 hours and 30 beers but we got the downpipe fixed and my welder mate gave
it an artistic flair.
My wife is speechless...  Lol
I can’t wait for it to rain again!

 I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes
 After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb
 Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
~ Betsy Salkind
 The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr
 I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor


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