As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, and I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot It's the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, only drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long, and only lives 5 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise! I don't think so.
I'm retired Go around me.
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Ole and Sven were out fishing one morning, drinking beer and enjoying the day. Suddenly Ole blurts out, " I'm going to divorce Lena, she hasn't spoken to me for 2 months!" Sven thinks about this and finally responds to his friend, " You might want to reconsider it Ole, a woman like that is mighty hard to find."
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
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