Friday, December 2, 2016

Found For Friday

 A man went to see the doctor. After the diagnosis, the doctor said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you like. The man's brain is $100,000.00 and the woman's brain is $30,000.00."
The patient could not help but ask, "Why the price difference between the male and the female brain?"
"Because the female brain has been used."

Today's helpful hint: when applying for a job as a statistician, don't tell them you're willing to give them 110 percent.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Pythagoras told a story of US Indians. A chief had had a favoured squaw he gave a hippopotamus hide. To two other squaws, he gave ordinary hides. Time passed, and the Chief went to happy hunting grounds, leaving the squaws to fight among themselves. The sons of the less favoured squaws fought with the favoured one. It was a draw. And just as Pythagoras predicted. The squaw with the hippopotamus was equal to the sons of the squaws with the other two hides.

A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig.
The little hog laughed to see such sport and the sow jumped over the coon.

I would like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.
I should have cooked it at Aloha temperature.

Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.

Correct spelling is impotent. Today I will exorcise the beagle

To kill a circus in one blow, go for the juggler.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Never trust an atom. They make up EVERYTHING!

My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers.

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