...the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens in giving it on all occasions their effectual support. Geo. Washington Feb. 22, 1732



Friday, December 16, 2016

Found For Friday



Chemist's Bad Day

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"

R.I.P. boiled water....You will be mist.


When eating baked Italian pasta dishes, I always recommend you eat over the plate. You'll get less-on-ya. (say it out loud).
You're welcome.


I put my Root Beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.


Don’t yell through the screen -- you’ll strain your voice.


I could not pull out of my parking spot, so I used my back up plan.


Grammarian's are very logical, they have a lot of comma sense.


The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.



Geometry shapes my life.


An elevator may bring you down, but I find them very uplifting.



What do you call french fries, cheese curds, and Russian dressing? Vladimir Poutine.




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