Friday, December 16, 2016

Found For Friday

Chemist's Bad Day

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"

R.I.P. boiled water....You will be mist.

When eating baked Italian pasta dishes, I always recommend you eat over the plate. You'll get less-on-ya. (say it out loud).
You're welcome.

I put my Root Beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.

Don’t yell through the screen -- you’ll strain your voice.

I could not pull out of my parking spot, so I used my back up plan.

Grammarian's are very logical, they have a lot of comma sense.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Geometry shapes my life.

An elevator may bring you down, but I find them very uplifting.

What do you call french fries, cheese curds, and Russian dressing? Vladimir Poutine.

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