Friday, May 25, 2018

Found For Friday



A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"No, go right ahead," she replies.
He stands, says "Plethora," and sits back down.
"Thanks" says the woman. "That means a lot."



My friend went to a party and found himself
surrounded by former girl friends
who all married someone else.
Wow...talk about near Mrs.


The English rock group Electric Light Orchestra
did not have a conductor.
Rather, it had a semiconductor.


I've been making bad puns about Greek Gods.
I suppose I should Apollo-gize.


NEWS FLASH: Two cargo ships collided at sea.
One was carrying blue dye, the other was carrying red dye.
Both crews were marooned.



If you see a robery at an Apple store,
does that make you an iWitness?


Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.


Somebody should start an airline for book lovers.
Every plane could have a library on board.
They could call in Jane Air.


I lost my watch at a party. I saw a guy step on it while
harassing a woman. I walked up to him and punched him in the nose.
"No one does that to a woman," I said. "Not on my watch."


Today a man knocked on my door and
asked for a small donation towards the community
swimming pool, so I gave him a glass a water.


The carnival is in town!
They have a new ride made entirely out of iron.
It's a ferrous wheel.


Rest in peace boiling water, you will be mist.




If I ever find out the name of the surgeon

who screwed up my limb transplant,
I'll kill him...with my bear hands


A lady moved to Alaska because of the high ratio
of men to women living there.
She returned because most of the men seemed strange.
Or as she put it -
The odds were good, but the goods were odd.


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