Found For Friday

 King Ozymandias of Assyria, in deep debt from his long war with the Hittites, was forced to pawn his last asset to pay his troops. He was the owner of the Star of the Euphrates, the largest diamond at that time in the Middle East. He took the stone to the money lender Cedric who offered him 100,000 shekels for it. "100,000???" screamed the king, "I paid one million shekels for it." Cedric remained firm on his offer and the king screamed, "you do know who you are dealing with?? "I am the King of Assyria and you are offering me only 100,000 shekels!!!!!" Cedric shrugged his shoulders and sang

"When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are"

Space heaters are the perfect house warming gift.

Vampires must use mouth wash because of bat breath.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

  

He who hogs the sheets is usually very wrapped up in himself.

I can’t understand why women are okay that Kohl's has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

If you take your cell phone to the beach, you can have call wading.

 Lifelong counterfeiters never make any real money.

NASA accepted the wildebeest's application,

and around our planet a brave gnu whirled.

I'm really good at being lazy. In fact, my doctor even said that if I continue being this lazy I should expect atrophy.

Why can't we let evil people have flutes?

Because then the terrorists woodwind

I just learned something about Star Trek's Capt. Jean-Luc Picard.

His hobby on the Enterprise was model trains.

When asked what size of trains he preferred, he said, "N-gauge."