Found For Friday

 For nearly thirty years Clarence had labored in the offices of a tyrannical corporation, rising more slowly in the ranks than colleagues despite his abilities because he refused to compromise his own ethics.  As the years rolled by he saw more and more incompetent employees use flattery and cheating to gain advancement, seemingly with the encouragement of the highest levels of management. Clarence became more and more bitter, but said nothing.

The time came for the annual company summer pot-luck picnic.  
Something inside Clarence finally snapped, and he made a huge gelatin
fruit salad, liberally laced with rat poison.

Unfortunately he used too little rat bane, and his colleagues
and bosses only suffered mild biliousness.

Of course his dastardly deed was discovered, and Clarence found himself
in custody, charged with jell-onious assault and carrying a congealed weapon.

If GM charges $36K for a Chevy Bolt,

imagine how much the whole car costs.

You should try blindfolded archery.

You don't know what you're missing.

I just saw two cops running after a suspect over at Chase bank.

To stock his bar, Tom in Toronto bought all the

Seagram’s Ginger Ale he could find.

Pretty soon he will be drinking Canada Dry.

I met a lady with the oddest quirk.

She organizes her plates according to what year she bought them.

She said it's a rare dish order.

Eating oysters can help increase your mussel tone.

My old girlfriend hated my obsession with horoscopes.

It Taurus apart 

When I was little I wanted to be a Flamingo, but my mother said "no,"

So I put my foot down.

I hate spelling errors.

If you mix up two letters, your whole post is urined.