Found For Friday

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

Wolfgang the sausage maker was proud of his work.

Of all the sausage makers in Frankfurt he knew he wasn't the wurst..

Your nose is the scenter of your face.

Why couldn't anyone draw Excalibur from the stone?

They weren't Arthurized.

In a public restroom I saw a sign that said

"THINK" on the mirror above the sink

So I labeled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match it.

Kim warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Locked in the Tower of London so long...

got a bad case of Turrets syndrome.

I have two buckets,

but one of them pails in comparison.

The man who invented throat lozenges has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

 I made a new cocktail with vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia.

It's a Phillips Screwdriver.