Found For Friday,

 Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins ..

 My mind is like lightning. One flash and it's gone!

 I tried to grab the fog, but I mist.

 Velcro - what a rip off!

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

 When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

 Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

 I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.