1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars...watch 'em slow down!
2. On all your check stubs, write 'For Marijuana'!
3. Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
4. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. When the $$$ comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'
7. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'
8. Tell your children over dinner: ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go ...
9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.
…….. and the final way to keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: my favorite.
10. Go to a large department store's fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out: "THERE IS NO PAPER IN HERE." h/t Ron Holte
I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.
If you take your cell phone to the beach you can have call wading.
Herbivores come in browns and graze.
On May 1, 1802, the first archery contest was held. It was won by an arrow margin.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all.
On May 2, 1948, the first woman was sworn into the U.S. Navy. She became a Permanent Wave.
Those who like to do the ironing find their pleasure in creases.
On May 04, 1804, the first dog obedience school opened with a large barking lot.
I used to like Russian dolls until I realized they were full of themselves.
I went to bed last night and dreamed I was a muffler. Woke up this morning and was exhausted.
My dentist simply won't quit working on my teeth. He is an abcessive compulsive.
On May 07, 1941, the first pig was taken in by a Pawn Shop. It was a Ham Hock.
Last night I kept dreaming that I had written lord of the rings. I must have been Tolkien in my sleep.
Hotel maids are experts with spread sheets.
When the first infant stroller was made. Some babies got a little buggy.
Not brushing for ten years leads to serious tooth decade.
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