Found For Friday

 A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Randy strutted into the henhouse and set to work.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy."

"Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."

When asked about rumors that he owned a bakery, Shakespeare replied, 'It's much a-dough about muffin.'

My friend reckoned he could run up a moving staircase the fastest. I disagreed violently and things only escalated from there.

Scarecrows are always garden their patch

Billy the Kid just rode into town and fell off his horse.

Stirrup trouble?

Not yet, but give him a chance.

I knew as I stole Death’s pillow there’d be reaper cushions.

Little known fact: Hitler's mother's mother was a stickler for spelling and punctuation. She was a Gramma Nazi.

The Michael Jackson vegetable diet: “Just Beet It”

I get my large circumference from too much pi.

Hey, I don't know if you saw, but last night on Dancing with the Czars, Peter and Catherine were great. But Ivan was terrible.

Is that owl plotting with some 13th century Peruvians? Yes, it’s Inca hoots.

When ancient wall sculptors were finished it was a relief.

Those who defy the agent of death will face Grim Reaper-cussions.

 Then there was the man who bought a cattle ranch for his sons and called it the Focus Ranch because it was where the sons raise meat.