Found For Friday

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble.

There was a Labatt beer truck parked in front of the Junior High building this morning. Must be a new teacher sanity initiative.

The mathematician did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.

In ancient times, seagoing vessels were much more fuel efficient. They got thousands of miles to the galleon.

Not surprised tennis players keep getting divorced. Love means nothing to them.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

The champion ballet dancer watched his feat in the video footage!

I'm going to make like a turtle and get the shell out of here!

They just found a sword swallower dead. The police suspect it's an inside job.

I lost some memory in my computer, but I didn't mind one bit.

I hate needles, they're the vein of my existence.

If you can't choose between an angry psychic and a sad psychic, you'll have to find a happy medium.