This is from a Facebook post from one of my former students….It was better than any jokes I had found.
Denver, CO ·
Lunch experience in Denver airport:
Sitting next to a mom and her daughter. Kid is maybe three, wearing all pink with a pink ribbon in her hair, stuffed rabbit in one hand and eating the bite sized pieces of pizza her mom cut up for her with the other. A bird that somehow got in the terminal lands, grabs a piece of the pizza and takes off.
Kid: Mom! That bird stole my pizza!
Mom: It's ok dear, he's probably hungry...
Kid: You better fly away bird! I'm going to kick your feathered candy ass if I catch you, mother f***er!
Mom: *Horrified look in my direction*
Dijon vu - the feeling you've eaten this mustard before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
A delivery driver for a Chinese restaurant drove in to a building. He was charged with wonton destruction of property.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
If a child refuses to take a nap, just call the police. They'll take them away for resisting a rest.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.