Friday, May 5, 2017
Found For Friday
Everyone knows the feeling of waking up in the morning, alone in bed, but smelling freshly brewed coffee and hearing clattering sounds from the kitchen. During moments like that, you can’t help but smile.
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She suspects that he’s preparing a surprise for her since today is their 20th wedding anniversary, so she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “You haven’t been sitting here all night, have you!?”
The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”
She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses… The words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
“I remember that too,” she replied softly…He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
I said "Don't mention it"
Outlaws are wanted.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong"
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
If Mary Kay Cosmetics takes over, America will become a pink car nation.
He was quick and to the point.