Found For Friday

The presidential cabinet huddled in their murky war room to discuss rejecting the enemy’s offer without escalating tensions.

“Send them an insult disguised as a gift,” said the president, “maybe a box of chocolates-covered ants?”

“One problem,” said a diplomat. “They’re insectivores. They won’t take ants for a no, sir.”

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus

Why is 10 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

The curtains in the bedroom were drawn.

The rest of the furnishings were drawn.

Today I met a microbiologist.

He was much bigger than I expected.

I found a wine for old people who don't want to have to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

It's called Pinot More.

Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were warm, it would be justwater.

If you receive a bloodied limb from me,

ait probably means I've been hacked.

I went to a dog show where a Yorkie took best in show, a Jack Russell took second, and a Scottie took third.

The judges must've had an All-Terrier motive.

I built a square airplane. It didn't go well.

On its first flight, it crashed into a wrecked angle