Diary and some jokes

This is the second in a day row that I had to go to the doctors.  I had to go there and I was tested and poked and they made some evil radioactive tasting brew and then I had to have quiet for about 30 minutes.  

The second day in involved in fasting and I had my oatmeal in noon.  I am not compiling (like hell I am not) but it is necessary.  

I was able to do find some jokes that seem to fit with the nurse theme -  

Some of the nurses were very nice, others were just sort of there doing their doing their job and were about as fun as a wet rag.  Over it over I am I am I was better to easer to type so that is good.  

What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? "Some asshole has my pen!" 

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. 

  Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side. 

  How do you save a doctor from drowning? Take your foot off his head. 

How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistant do it. 

What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God. 

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Wednesday Night

Wednesday night. I went to Des Moines for the Consistory Quarterly Meeting . I admit to being bad.  Instead of eating at the Consistory I went to Zombie Burgers for supper.  I was not in the mood for Tacos so I had the "Burger of the Month" - which was an amalgamation of Bacon, egg, maple bacon a burger and something else (undefinable) on a split doughy doughnut with maple frosting and nuts. -  I had to eat it with a knife and fork.You can see their menu by clicking here.

Then I went to the Scottish Rite for the meeting.

  
New chairs have added to the comfort for the Brethren attending the meetings. I really like them because I can stack two of them and not have so much trouble getting up from them.  I almost could not get out of the old chairs.

I took a few pictures for the Consistory Blog. Nothing very great. I do not like my new camera.  It is fine for some things but I could take pictures inside and get much better ones with my other one.  It stopped working. Not entirely but I had to push the shutter button several times to get it to take a picture and I missed some shots.  The new one is OK but it is not as good as the old one.  And they are both the same brand.  Perhaps someone will tell me how to get the old one fixed.

 Basically that is all I have to report.  I mean I did laundry and worked on some things for the Red Cross of Constantine.  I got the dues cards for next year to print and now I have to get the letters printed and ready to mail out. 

Oh and I slept until 10:00 this morning. Partially because I was up until 2:00 AM and am likely to do the same thing tonight.   

Wednesday

Sometime ago my nephew's dog, Miles jumped up on my leather recliner and broke the footrest. Brandon was able to fix it and it lasted for a long time.

The other day Molly decided in a fit of joy to JUMP up on me and this time the footrest could not be fixed. Brandon came over and tried.  The old recliner was out on the back porch so he brought that in and it doesn't work either.  The foot rest will not go up.

It is difficult since it is not only my chair but my bed.  I sleep in it because my shoulder that I fell on does not allow me to sleep in a bed.  So I brought out a foot stool and was able to finally able to sleep that way.

Today I went over to Boone and purchased a new Lazy Boy.  Funny thing it is the same fabric as the oldest chair. I was able to have them separate it and put it in the back of my Denali.  Brandon could not come over to get it out of the car and mount in on its platform (It needs to be higher than normal or I can't get out of it because I have trouble with low chairs.) tonight as his family is flying in from California so I will have one more night in the old one but he will come tomorrow and fix it for me.  He can do anything.

In the meantime my leg was swollen today. I think it was because I did not have my legs elevated as much as usual. Oh well.

Molly does not understand why she cannot climb up and sleep on me. I am not sure I will be able to let her up on the new one....what do you think? I think I would miss not having her up there.

Ruminations of a Retired Reprobate

My mother's sister Ellen never married.  She moved to California and was the head of the Central Stenographic Bureau at UCLA. She lived on Inglewood Blvd. in Santa Monica.  Her home was on a high hill and you could sit in her back yard and look

a long way and see the lights come on as it got darker.  It was a beautiful view.  Google gave me their new version of Google Maps so I thought it would be fun to see if her house was still there.  Hers was but Carolyn's (next door) was gone and there is a vacant lot there now. I screen captured both places so you could see a little bit of what I meant about being able to see a long way.  When Ellen lived there the fence was not there but she had beautiful roses growing all around.  I spent the summer there once and it was wonderful  I would take Ellen and Cathy (housemate) to work at UCLA and then I had the car to go around and see things and do what I wanted to do. One time I went down to the La Brea Tar Pits.  I also took Cathy out to visit her father who was in Cedars- Siani Hospital.

I would sit in the waiting room and watch people and listen to them while I waited for Cathy.  One time there was a Rolls Royce parked in the lot.  I was told that it belonged to Tony Curtis.  I went over to look at it closer and saw a red cardigan sweater in the front seat. I could see the label.  It was from Sears.  Who knew?

My aunt had a Puli which I believe was a runaway that found its way to her place or else someone rescued it.  She told me that it had belonged to Curtis who had always kept it in a kennel and it never learned to go to the bathroom outside so he lifted his leg on her furniture. She called him PEEEdro.  I really liked him.  She also had Shelties.

We had a lot of fun that summer and it is one of my favorite memories.  Later when Ellen moved back to Ames I flew out and we packed up her car and I drove her home.  We had the car so loaded that I could only use the side mirrors. It was hard for Ellen to leave. She was glad to be coming back to Ames but she really loved her place in California.

Then I checked and found the house my nephew lives in in Arizona.  It is a nice house and there is no lawn to mow but there are also no trees surrounding it or bushes with flowers like the one outside the McFarland Eye Clinic where I went today to have my 6 month eye check-up. I snapped a picture of it with my phone.  It was raining again so I did not "stop to smell the flowers (which is advice that Ellen always gave me but I did catch a whiff and I think it was a French lilac.
I really like Dr. Hamouche and his assistant Jane.  I am very comfortable with them. I had to wait a bit longer than usual this time but it was all right.  I had my Kindle with me.

My eyes checked out OK.  I have glaucoma and "significant" cataracts but they aren't far enough along for me to have surgery on them yet.  My field of vision test was good. Pressure in the eyes was 11 for each eye and vision came in at 20/30 (whatever that means)  I guess I am doing as well as can be expected.  As long as I can read and watch TV and see pretty pictures I am doing fine.  Speaking of pretty pictures, my friend Bob Kelly came over and brought me a picture he took of Windsor Castle which he had printed on canvas.  It looks like it was painted.

I hung it in my living room so I can see it every day. If I ever win the lottery I am going to England and Scotland and maybe even France.  I suppose I will have to purchase a ticket.  Thanks for listening.  HUGZ

Thursday's Post

Since I got the new computer I seem to have been beset with problems.  The TimeCapsule which acts as my router and which lets my computer and my printer connect won't let my Kindle connect.

I have the latest software on it and I guess the only solution is that I will have to go to a Hotspot and turn it on when I have a book ordered so that it will download.  I have no problem reading the books on the device.

Oh well.

I went to Des Moines to pick up my old computer and I was supposed to go to a meeting but I blew it off. I stopped at Krispy Kreme and got a donut and then went to a drugstore and came home.  Molly needed me.  I was going to be on the Computer.  The guy at the computer store gave me some instructions on how to fix the problem with the Kindle but it did not work. Molly did need me.  She wanted to snuggle so I called her up and held her and petted her and watched some TV and the only reason I had her get down was so that I could put this short post up.  Thursday is Lodge Night and I may go. (I haven't been to Arcadia since November, I wonder if they will challenge me.)  I think the bottom white(golden) dog looks a little like Molly.  Maybe they are cousins.

 Good Advice

 Bye for now!

Thanks Su

Su came over and took me to the grocery store Monday evening.  We also went to Dublin Bay for dinner. We both had Corned Beef and Cabbage and it was delicious.  It was so nice to get out of the house and visit with someone.  Su has been taking me to the store so I could get groceries since I lost my license.  She is a real friend and I appreciate her.

I had two of her kids (Ben and Kati) in school when I taught at Edwards School and she nominated me for the Sam's Club Teacher of the Year in 2002.  I was surprised and honored and it came at a really nice time in my life.

After I got sick and went to the hospital and was in the process of moving from my little house on Southdale (which I loved) to a larger house on Glendale (Which is OK) she organized the Masons and teachers to move everything that was in the Southdale house to the Glendale house so that I could come home from the hospital and move in and then a few days later my sister was able to move in to a wheelchair accessible home when she got out of the hospital.  She also visited me in the hospital and did so very many nice things for me.  Besides that she is fun and talented and I really appreciate her.  She also painted my bedroom for me.  I really do not know what I ever did to have a friend like Su but I am grateful for her.  And I know a lot of other people are also because she volunteers many places.  She is always cooking and helps out at the Food Pantry, she makes beautiful quilts which she gives away and is just generally the nicest person I know.

As I said I can always count on Su when I need some help.  My sister and Bruce have also taken me to the store when I needed and Su was unavailable but Su will come over and take me in my car and I really appreciate her being willing to do that as I need to have the car driven.  Thanks Su, You are a real friend. I am glad we have re-connected.

I am not looking forward to more snow but I guess it is on the way. I have two doctor's appointments this week and have called the HIRTA Bus to come and pick me up. That is a really neat service and I appreciate them and the service they offer.  For $2 each way they will pick me up and then when the appointment is over they will come and get me and bring me home. I would not want to use them to get groceries and I could not deal with lugging all the bags on the bus.

I spoke with my probation officer this morning and she told me she is going to recommend that I be released from probation.  That will be nice.  I guess that means I must be doing something right.  I have had a couple of dreams about being able to drive again.  I am really looking forward to having that privilege again.

Foolish and Incredibly Stupid

Since I let the cat out of the bag I might as well tell you my story.  On July 21 I was in Des Moines at a Masonic meeting.  At the noon meal I bit into a hard roll and the front tooth broke in half.  I heard a loud crack and pretty soon half the tooth fell into the mashed potatoes.

Such fun.  NOT.  Any way I finished the day and had a drink before dinner. After dinner instead of going right home I sat at the table and enjoyed another Scotch.  In fact two of them and they were larger than usual.  And they affected me.  I think because I was dehydrated and tired the alcohol had more of an effect on me than I expected.  To make a long story short I foolishly drove home and a block from my house I was pulled over by the police.  

It was very foolish of me to drive and incredibly stupid but I was very fortunate that I made it as far as I did and that I did not cause an accident.  

Being stopped and field tested for alcohol was not a good experience.  With my lifter on my shoe to make up for the short leg after my ankle fusion operation and because we were on a hill I could not have walked a straight line if my life had depended on it. Needless to say I did not pass the test and I was handcuffed and put in the patrol car. They tried to put me in one but I did not fit so they had to use the other.  I was very uncomfortable riding in such a small car.  First they took me to the Ames Police Dept.  I was allowed to call my nephew so he could go over and let Molly out.  Then they transported me to the Story County Jail where I was booked, fingerprinted and thrown in jail.  They wanted to take my shoes but if they had done that I would have fallen as I wear a brace and if I do not have the shoe on I fall because there was no traction.  

I also cannot get up and down from low chairs because of my knees and when they wanted me to go in a cell with a thin mattress to put on a cement slab (together they were less than a foot off the ground).  There was only one other person in the cell and he was sound asleep.  Later there were two others placed in the cell with me. One of whom had just gotten out of jail for serving a 30 day sentence the day before,  The other one was also just out and now back in.  He was drunk and loud and kept yelling at a cute blond deputy wanting to know if he could F***K her.  I just sat there.  Eventually I had to get up so I could move because my legs were cramping.  Someone had to come in and help me up.  They could not just give me a hand or pull me up by my arms because of my rotators and arthritis so someone had to get behind me and lift me up by putting his arms under my armpits and literally lifting me up.  I walked around and got the cramps out of my legs and this time they let me have a chair to sit in. Moulded plastic so it was not as bad.

The next morning (and no I did not sleep) I had Cheerios (rather than Frosted flakes) O.J. and milk because of my diabetes. I was then taken into a small room where a Judge on a TV gave me a preliminary hearing and I was released.  They had taken my cell phone and it was dead so I could not call my nephew to come get me as I did not know his number so I called another friend to come and get me.  He graciously skipped church and took me to get my car back.  They had taken my driver's license and I had a piece of paper which said I could drive for 10 days,  

There is a lot more I could tell but I will just run down the costs that go along with this,

• 
  
• Evaluation   $125.00  This was to see if I was in danger of drinking and driving again.  I passed.
• Class $115.00 - This was for Drinking and Driving.  I passed but I don't see how you could not pass. It was really a waste of time. Should have been much better, Somebody has a racket going to teach this class.
• Lawyer $500.00  - I asked a Lodge Brother to help with this. He basically helped me with the process and it was fine but really the day I went to court there were 5 others there on the same or similar charges and none of them had a lawyer and everything was so cut and dried (I felt like we were on an assembly line) that I probably would not have had to have one.
• Fine $1,350.00  - This would have been cut in half ($1250 plus costs) if I had gotten a temporary license but that would only have allowed me to drive to work and back and since I do not work and I would have had to rent a breath machine for my car (cost $65 to install and $50 a month for 6 months to rent plus $250 for the license it wasn't going to be worth it.  I would not even have been able to drive to the grocery store or to meetings) So I just paid the fine.
• Probation $300.00  - this is what I have to pay to the Center for Creative Justice to go and meet with a probation officer once a month.
• License Renewal $250.00 - This is what it will cost me when I get my license back in March
• Car Insurance $650.00 x3 years - The x3 is the three years I will have to carry the insurance because of the drunk driving conviction. That is only the extra it costs me.

Total is  $4,590.00  

That plus the $4000 I have to pay for my teeth makes it a poor Jay for awhile. 

You might be interested in the conditions of the probation.  They are:

conditions of this probation, the defendant shall:

a. Obey all laws.

b. Completely abstain from the use of alcohol and shall submit to such testing

as may be required to assure compliance with this condition.

c. Obtain a substance abuse evaluation and comply with any recommended

treatment.

d. Enroll in and successfully complete a course for drinking drivers facilitated

by an area community college.

e. Not enter any business establishment which secures more than fifty percent

of their business from the sale of alcohol.

f. Pay a probationary supervision fee in a manner determined appropriate by

the probationary supervisor.

g. In all other respects cooperate with the probationary supervisor.

h. Contact the probationary supervisor within ten days of the filing date of the

Court’s order to arrange for probationary supervision.

I also may not drive for 6 months.  I put off losing the license for 30 days but eventually I lost it.  They gave me a date when I could get it back.  As it turns out it is in March but the date is a Saturday when the time is up.  The license station is not open on Sunday or Monday so I will have to wait until Tuesday to get it back.  I then will be on probation with them for a couple of years and will have to be very careful not to get a ticket.   So in the meantime I am going to be dependent on others to help me get things from the grocery store and I will be "at home" most of the time.  Feel free to drop by (but warn me if you are coming so I can be sure to get dressed) - I have already cleaned the office and the spare room.  My bedroom and the hall closet are also on the agenda. If I start cleaning the drawers and organizing things I am in real trouble.  Thanks for listening.  I needed to get that off my chest.  Hugs,  j

My Home Town

I enjoy living in Ames, Iowa.  It is in the center of the State (almost) and so you can get to most of the state easily.  We are on Interstate 35 just 30 miles north of Des Moines (the state capital) and there are cultural events there but we also have them in Ames.  Iowa State University, a land grant university (in fact the very first land grant university) also has cultural events.  I have seen Theater, Dance, Concerts, and one magical night I was able to listen to and meet Beverly Sills.

When I was younger the University was really my playground.  My mother worked in the Home Economics Building and my friend and I used to go out there to meet her and we went all over the place.  I especially remember the room in the basement where all the white rats were kept and the other was a large room with this statue.  I always liked it.

The Memorial Union (partially built by my family members) was also a wonderful place to go to hang out.  It had everything. A bookstore, a bowling alley, a commons area where you could get food and lots and lots of big beautiful rooms. Probably the closest thing to a palace that we have in Ames.   Here is a little video (self-promotion) that tells about Iowa State.



We also have a great medical facility here in town where I visited today to see my diabetes doctor.  My A1c was 6.8 and my blood pressure was good so he was very pleased with me. I would be also if I had just lost some weight. I did take in my belt another notch but I am still too big.

So everything is copacetic except for not being able to drive for 6 months.  This summer I did a very stupid thing and drove my car while I was under the influence of a couple extra Scotch.  Spent the night in jail and starting yesterday for 6 months I may not drive.  Perhaps I shall tell more about the experience sometime but then again I may not as it is not something I am proud of.  In the meantime I am reliant on others to get me places such as the grocery store and doctors appointments. I will be spending a lot of time at home, however.  Perhaps I shall get my office cleaned.  Thanks for listening.  Hugs, j

Why I am late and a couple of doggy things.

Last night I was at the back door paying for the lawn being mowed.  I had Anderson 360 on and when I came back the screen was blank,  Well that was no good.  I changed the channels.  Still nothing.  I checked the Internets. Not connected. WTF!  You know me I am connected to the Internets 24/7 - -  well not really I do shut it down around 11:30 PM. About this time I saw a note on the screen that "this channel should be available shortly"  so I knew it wasn't just me.  I called Mediacom and got the recorded message that they were aware  of the problem,

The only thing to do was to call Miss Molly up on my lap (a place she gets more and more) and have some snuggle time with her and then read my book.  I just finished Gore Vidal's Creation and had really enjoyed it but now I was in the mood for a thriller.. I had been to Barnes and Noble  on Sunday to get the Renee Fleming CD (which they were out of but would send it to me) and picked up some older books (cheaply priced) and had paid less than a paperback for a nice hardback book which I had not read. It is called The Search and I am enjoying it. The main character is a woman living on an island who trains search and rescue dogs and (of course) the dogs are like Miss Molly. Lab/Retriever mix.  So I read for awhile and as reading sometimes does it put me to sleep.  Around 10:30 my Aunt Jo called and woke me up so we talked. The TV was still out and I checked Facebook on my phone, noticed that Kim said her TV was out also so I read some more and went back to sleep.

This morning the TV is back, the Internets are back with the new Google Drive in action. (I really don't know why they keep changing things) So my morning post is a little late. I did want to share a couple of doggie things I found on Facebook so I will do that now and then search for David Letterman on Hulu as the President was on his show last night and I want to watch it.  Have a great day.

The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

So today I visited the dental hygienist.  This was not her. She was just about ready to deliver a new baby.  But the set up was basically like this.

As usual I asked that the Faux News be turned off.  Perhaps I shall have to write a letter.)

It had been about 10 years since I had been to the hygienist.  When I retired at age 62 I lost my dental insurance and stopped going to the dentist.  I didn't even brush that often and I suppose that is why I am having to have a bridge and lost 4 teeth.  However she said the were not very bad and she didn't have to scrape tons of "stuff" off from them.

After she was done the Dr. came in and checked the healing. (To be honest I have not looked in my mouth because I think it is too gross.  I do not open my mouth or smile when out in public because of the Clem Kadiddlehopper syndrome. (Which may have nothing to do with teeth - the Red Skelton character was hard of hearing) and I don't want to be around people and have them ask about my teeth (or lack thereof) so I just stay home with Molly who does not ask about anything except where her next treat is coming from.

It should all be over by Halloween. In the meantime I will be staying away from places where people might see.  

I know understand my mother a little better.  She would not let anyone (not even me) see her without her teeth in.  I feel that way.

I have a sonic care tooth brush which I will be using from now on.  And I found out that after brushing in the evening I should not rinse my mouth but leave the paste in there and it will give me a fluoride treatment.  Speaking of fluoride I also had a fluoride "varnish" on my teeth to strengthen them. It made them feel tacky all day.  So that is it for today.  Another bump on the road of Mundania.  Cheers. 

On Eating Hard Rolls

I wasn't going to tell about this but I suppose I must.  Saturday noon we had a lovely luncheon at the Red Cross meeting.  Chicken Cordon Bleu,,,,etc. and a hard roll.

I was enjoying the company and the meal and eating lunch. All of a sudden I heard a "crack."  I ran my tongue around my teeth but everything seemed to be fine.  However as I continued to eat I felt something hard in the food and discovered that half of my tooth had fallen out.  I called my dentist but he was out at Scout camp with his kids and didn't get the message on time.  Then he texted me late that night but I didn't notice it until I saw him Monday afternoon.

This was one of the teeth that was going to have to come out anyway so we were prepared for that.  I had originally planned on spreading the work out over several months for ease of payment but that isn't going to work now.  I have my next appointment on Thursday.

 Needless to say that put a damper on my day.  It was more difficult to eat the rest of the day.  I was also worried about just getting through the day with the tooth bothering me.  Here is a picture I took Monday after worrying about it all day Saturday and Sunday.  I made it in Black and White because it looks so awful.

I went to the grocery store and picked up some yoghurt I will be eating soft for awhile.  And I don't expect that I will be smiling much either.  Such is the saga of life.

Tuesday in pictures

I had to get my hairs cut today. On the way down I mailed a letter.  I had put the letter out to be picked up on Monday but for some reason I did not get any mail so it was not picked up.  I didn't use this mailbox but you get the idea.

I got to the hair salon and decided not to park next to this car.  I don't know who was driving it but they certainly need lessons in parking.  I'll bet they couldn't color between the lines either.  Because I couldn't use the place next to it I had to pay for the meter. 

I get my hairs cut at His 'n Hers. This is Kim the owner.  

 Marsha has been cutting my hairs for eons.  She cut it before my mother died.  She actually was Mother's beautician and Mother died 17 years ago, so  have known her a long time. I always enjoy my time with these ladies. And I always look better after visiting them

I went to the Democratic Headquarters after getting my hairs cut to sign up for yard signs for Mr Obama and Mrs. Vilsack.  Some nice kids were working there. I told them they were going to be on my blog.

 You can embiggen any of these pictures to see them in a larger size.  Just click on the picture.

I saw this poster through a window and so I walked around the corner.

 And got a picture of John (or Jon) working at the desk in front.  I don't know how to spell his name because I just heard someone call him John when they asked if they had a list of homes for Yard Signs yet.

 I think he was amused by some old fart running around taking pictures.  Then it was around the corner to go the Wheatsfield Cooperative grocery. One of the reasons I go there is to get organic dog treats for Lady Molly.  She likes them.  They were on sale so I got two bags.

 Wine

Produce - I got some raspberries

 and some tea.

I got this dollar bill in change from Burger King.  It is illegal to deface money so I took it to the Credit Union and turned it in. I certainly wasn't going to use it.

 They are redoing the parking lot at the Credit Union.  The last time I was in there this space was crawling with men working.  It was just a little after noon so I suppose they were at lunch.

Then I went out to see Ginny at the Information Center.  She has finished her cookbook and wanted me to see it.

 She invited me in but I had groceries in the car and wanted to keep them cool.

 When I was at Whittier School (1971-75) I put together a Family Cookbook. It had family recipies and I used mimeograph to copy them for the Cousins for Christmas.  Ginny got a Cookbook program and updated and added to it. She had one copy printed and bound. It cost her about $40. That was with a 1/3 off coupon.  So I guess there won't be any more printed.  The good news is that it is an electronic Cookbook so it can "live" on a computer.  I don't know though. I like the idea of a hard copy.  Here are a couple of pictures of the Cookbook. That is my grandparent's wedding Certificate on the cover.

 The inside shows my grandparents and their six daughters on one page and the "family tree" that was made for my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary.

 Then it wa a quick run through Mickey D's for a double cheeseburger and fries (sometimes you just have to have one)

 Even though it was hot these guys were working across the street at the Dollar Store.

 Molly was glad to see me when I came back. She has learned not to jump up on me when I come home but waits patiently.

 And she got her treat and her ears scratched and she helped eat the fries and burger. She is such a love.

The rest of the day was printing thing on the computer and watching TV..Oh yes, I had a humungous salad for supper.  Man was it good.  Got it from Quizno's (and a glass of wine purchased from the Wheatsfield grocery story.)   Thanks for stopping by.