Found For Friday

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realised, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't f**k with Mommy when she's been drinking

 The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."


The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."
The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

Jewish marriage advice: "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"

My father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family." I said, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?"



If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

 A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, "Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me, who will be the lucky one?"


The wise old Rabbi answers, "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.

 Dear Abby,  

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

 Dear Abby,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.


Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

 Dear Abby,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

 Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

 Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.


Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

 Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.


Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Thanks for stopping by.  Have a Great Week-end