Found For Friday

 A six-year-old goes to the hospital with his mother to visit his Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his mother and bursts into his Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said his Grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World!"   

 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

 PMS jokes aren't funny; period...

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

 Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

 I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro  - what a rip off!