Found For Friday

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,'she explained and 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said.'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.. But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend. He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?' 'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said,a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?' Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

 'She just died and left me everything.

'BEAR

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a bourbon and . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . coke."

The bartender asks, "What's with the huge pause?"

The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

h/t Ellie Finlay

Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Definition of a will.  A dead giveaway.

Pay your exorcist, or you'll get repossessed

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car

over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

-- A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

--  The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

Gimme BACON!  Fish Bacon is fine.  But  No Freakin' Oatmeal!!!   h/t  Don M.