Found For Friday

During these serious  and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember

these four great  religious truths:

1. Muslims do not  recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.

2. Jews do not  recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3.Protestants do not  recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

 4. Baptists do not  recognize each other at the liquor store :)

 UNANSWERED  PRAYER

The preacher's 5  year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused  and bowed his head for a  moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey,"  he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking  the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?"  she asked.

 BEING  THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a  precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your  prayers for you each night?  That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little  boy replied, "Thank God  he's in bed!"

 by MadPriest

Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: “Will I be acquitted?”

 Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"

 If you think you are a set of curtains, either see a psychiatrist or pull yourself together.

Words of Wisdom: If you play around with a guillotine, you'll beheaded for an accident.

No one wanted to see the naked banana. I guess it just lacked appeal!

 One evening King Arthur's men discovered Sir Lancelot's moonshine whiskey operation and shattered the still of the knight.

 My budgie broke his leg today, so I made him a little splint out of a couple of "strike anywhere" matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

A job circumcising elephants isn't so bad. The base salary is small but the tips are big.

And have a great week-end!