Found For Friday

The Dot l FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.

On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical advice.

 The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis.

For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

 Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The Minnesota Vikings

Q. What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

 Q. How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?

A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A. An Imposter.

 Q. What's the difference between the Minnesota Viking and a dollar bill?

A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody Knows

Q. What do the Vikings and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

 YOU KNOW YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN...

* You met him in prison.

* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

 * When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five

each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He tells you that he's never told a lie.

 I would like to share an experience with all of you.

It has to do with drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have had brushes with the
authorities over the years.

The other night, I was out for dinner with a few friends.

After consuming too much beer and knowing full well that I
was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not,
I took a bus home. Yes a bus! I arrived home safely and without incident.

This was a really big surprise to me, since I have never driven a bus before.............

 ‎"DEVEREAUX GETS HOME LATE

Devereaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Devereaux said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."