Found For Friday

Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly drawing. That is until the last meeting.
Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of swedish meatballs.

Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven.

Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush. At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how they had fared for the past month.

Sven said "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for them dere tree days."

Ole said "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Duluth was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters."

Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using toilet paper."

 ****Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
 
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
 

  3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
 
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

  9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
 
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

  13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
 
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

  15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

  17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
 
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

   
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
 
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
 
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

  23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
 
24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered. <------Very important for all of us to do!!!!
 

  25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit Laughing!