Found for Friday by John...

 An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

“What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

 The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks." "

 You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

 The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up kid...I'll get my hat."

 DOLLY PARTON AND ELIZABETH II AT THE PEARLY GATES

It happens that Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same evening and meet each other at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter regrets to inform them that he has almost reached his daily quota, and in fact there is only room to let one of the two in.

 Dolly thinks a minute, unbuttons her blouse, sheds her brassiere, and says to Peter, "These breasts are God's most perfect creation of human breasts in the entire history of the world. If I get in, He can look at them every day and see that it is indeed Very Good."

 The Queen says nothing, but instead reaches into her omnipresent pocketbook, takes out a small bottle of mouthwash, rinses her mouth, spits it into the commode, pulls the handle, and smiles at the saint.

Peter sadly turns to Dolly and says, "I'm most truly sorry, Miss Parton, but I have to let her in. You must know that a royal flush beats a pair any day."