And orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink,he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, You've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
Your sweetie says 'Let's go upstairs and make love' And you answer: 'Pick one, I can't do both!'
Your friends compliment you On your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot!
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ... And your pacemaker opens the garage door!
You don't care where your spouse goes .. Just as long as you don't have to go along.
You are cautioned to slow down By the doctor instead of by the police
'Getting lucky' means you find your car .. In the parking lot.
An 'all nighter' means not getting up To use the bathroom.
* ATD- At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM- Covered by Medicare
* DWI- Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out
* LOL- Living on Lipitor
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* TOT- Texting on Toilet
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
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