Found For Friday

Good Morning. I want to send you over to Colby and Good Morning. Please start by going to Colby and Stacy's Weblog for some Cyclone Hawkeye jokes. This is the week-end of the big Iowa/Iowa State football game. I had a cousin who played football for Iowa so I had to root for them when he played. I honestly don't care who wins but I love the jokes. (Of course if you are a hawk you can turn them around. Go read and enjoy. And be sure to scroll all the way to the bottom to see the last one. It is my favorite.

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An older gentleman was On the operating table Awaiting surgery. He had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

The Wiley Weekender

Outside a local neighborhood bar, a police patrol routinely parked outside on the weekends for the obvious reason that several of its patrons had the unfortunate habit of driving home inebriated. On this particular night, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

On the other hand you have different fingers.

Corduroy pillows make head lines

Psychiatrists like Kentucky Freud Chicken

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?

Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

They say curiosity killed the cat and they weren't kitten around!

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs'!

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.....

Workplace Negotiations

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

A man calls home to check in with his wife, to let her know he'll be home early, when suddenly, a strange woman answers.

The confused man inquires, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.

''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''

"I told her we didn't need one, " the man muttered under his breath. ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone...who I thought was her husband.''

The man, suddenly realizes what's going on and begins to fume. Moments later, he says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid hesistates, but answers, ''What do I have to do?''

The man explains to her: ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''

The maid pauses for a moment to consider the awful deed and puts the phone down. A minute later, the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots!

The maid comes back to the phone breathing heavily, and with a slight quiver in her voice asks, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

The man, quite despondent at this point, replies, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''

Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause follows.

Another long pause.

Finally the man asks:

''Is this 567-5309?'

Have a great week-end. Thanks for stopping by. j

HUGE HUGS!