Found For Friday

 LAWYER OPERATION RECOVERY

A lawyer awakened after a serious operation, only to find herself in a dark room with all the blinds drawn.

"Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.

"Well," the surgeon responded, "they're fighting this huge multi-alarm fire just across the street from the hospital, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

 What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married?

Can't elope.

 A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and

found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted

on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely

saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

 There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept

on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three

became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who

slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove

that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws

of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one)

 A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies

with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a

particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the

anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye

and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

 The police found and arrested two young people the other day. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one ... and let the other one off.

 Did you see the movie about the cannibal that ate his mother-in-law?

It was named Gladiator.

 The police answered a call from the local convent about a strange object circling overhead. When the officer arrived, he asked the Mother Superior what kind of object it was. "I can't say", she replied, "but sister Elizabeth says she knows exactly what it was, do you want to speak with her?"

"That's ok", said the policeman, "I'll just put it down as a nun-identified flying object."

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."