Found For Friday

 Though we're born in the buff, we wear our parents genes inside out.

A pharmacist and a patient had a pill owe fight.

Smartly dressed poultry would be called chic hens.

No matter how much you push the envelope it will still be stationery.

The novel about a musician in treble was a real clef-hanger.

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
and you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
And you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or ?'
And you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...

1. You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEywa

Two Wyoming good ole boys are sitting on the front porch drinking beer. One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"AW DAMN!", says his friend, "and I just joined the Masons"

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next week he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

The guy had invited his girlfriend to attend a Halloween party with him, and he showed up at her door wearing only a pair of roller blades. 

"Uh, and just what on Earth are you supposed to be?" she asked. 

"What else?" he replied smiling. "I'm a pull toy!"

The Boss Had to Fire Somebody ~

He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.  It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers.  Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night.  She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says.  "I feel like shit."