Joe said "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress.” Phil just shook his head at Joe and started towards the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to hurry their game he too stopped short and turned around.
Joe asked "what's wrong?"
Phil replies, "It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired."
He pulls the guy over and says: "What is your name?" The man replies "Boudreaux". The officer says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." Boudreaux says, "OK", and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees Boudreaux still driving around with the truck full of penguins, AND now they're all wearing SUN GLASSES. He pulls Boudreaux over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday!" Boudreaux replies: "I did . . . Today I'm taking them to the beach!"
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes university.
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question? 
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a cyclone might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. 
A: Not unless the words 'child support payment' means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy. 
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in university 
Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
A: Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work. 
Q: What is a chastity belt?
A: A labor-saving device.
Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first. 
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder. 
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you're fatter than they are.
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him. 
1 comment:
oh those wild and crazy cats!
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