Found For Thanksgiving

BAD Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Did you hear about the young turkey who was on his way to the big city for the first time. A fellow passenger offered him some advice: "You'll be all right as long as you don't lose your head."

What did the widowed mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Why are New England turkeys hard to understand? Because they speak in gobbled English.

Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?
Because he was in a fowl mood.

Or, as the turkey said to the Pilgrim, "You're a no-good baster.

What is the traditional Thanksgiving menu?
Roast turkey, stuffing, candied yams, and pickled relatives.

Did you hear about the waiter who dropped a Thanksgiving dinner on the floor and feared he had created an international incident?
It was the downfall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breaking up

Naughty Things You Can Only Say at Thanksgiving

1) Talk about a huge breast!
2) Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

3) It s Cool Whip time
4) If I don t undo my pants I ll burst
5) That s one terrific spread
6) I m in the mood for a little dark meat

7) Are you ready for seconds yet?
8) It s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9) Just wait your turn, you ll get some

10) Don t play with your meat
11) Just spread the legs open and stuff it in
12) Do you think you ll be able to handle all these people at once?

13) I didn t expect everyone to come at once!

14) You still have a little bit on your chin

15) How long will it take after you stick it in?

16) You ll know it s ready when it pops up

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!

Did you hear about the one-legged turkey?
It went around saying "hobble-hobble."

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!