Found For Friday

Did you hear about the frog who traced his ancestry to Poland? He was a tad Polish!

The wedding Test

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son.'


And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his Mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the Flight Attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the Flight Attendant.

The busy Flight Attendant smiled, and said, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, " Yes, she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."
One afternoon the head pastor of an evangelical mega-church was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food. We have to eat grass," the poor man replied.

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the pastor said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the pastor replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the pastor answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the pastor and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The pastor replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

If you play around with a guillotine, you'll beheaded for an accident.

And Then:
Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she
ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,

"Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find

Two attractive female birds were showing off in front of some males. Both had spent two hours at the hairdresser, but it was the curly bird that got the perm.

If you like to cook. Here are some tips

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes	Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.	Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.	Celery? Never heard of it!
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.	Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.	Leftover wine???????HELLO!!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by and have a great week-end!




Lastly, if you don 't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.