Gifts

Sometime I have a hard time deciding what to write about. Today I am inspired by Miss Manners who writes:

“…none of this trumps the fact that presents are always voluntary, and attempts to extract them are rude and therefore justly offensive to the targets.
But periodic payments in the form of presents do not alone establish a relationship – even if you could succeed in getting them, which you cannot.”

Ayn Rand was a philosopher whose ideas are expressed by Wikipedia as

She believed that individuals must choose their values and actions solely by reason, and that "Man — every man — is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others." According to Rand, the individual "must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life."

I remember reading her books when I was in college and thinking that some things she said made sense. I remember thinking that generosity was not a fault but a virtue because it gave me happiness to give things to others. (So is it an act of selfishness for me to give something?)

Wikipedia says,

“A gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return. Even though it involves possibly a social expectation of reciprocity, or a return in the form of prestige or power, a gift is meant to be free. In many human societies, the act of mutually exchanging gifts may contribute to social cohesion.”

I like to give. I have a friend whose mother, when she knew she was dying of cancer, gave many of the treasures she had collected to her friends who came to visit her. She got pleasure in her last days by giving.

I always get more pleasure in giving things to people and organizations I care for than I have from getting. (And it is probably a good thing cause I don’t always get much) - I remember giving a small piece of Masonic Jewelry to someone and the look of pleasure on his face was worth much more to me than the intrinsic value of the charm. You could tell that he really liked getting it.

Sometimes I like to give anonymously and don’t tell anyone about it. Sometimes I don’t think and just give in front of others. That is not as satisfying. It is much more pleasurable to just slip the gift to a person. In either case the pleasure I get from knowing that I have given something that they like is worth more than the gift itself.

I like to give to certain organizations. My favorite Charity in Ames is the Youth and Shelter Services. Years ago when George Belitsos was just starting this Charity I served on the board as a director/representative of the Masons. I think the work they do is outstanding. I have witnessed the results and know that the lives they have changed have made a difference in our society. I try to give them something each year. Usually in memory of my mother who once told me not to purchase a brick in her name for the “Plaza of Heroines” because she would rather have the money going to help someone.

My grandparents also gave to people. Sometimes they helped entire families and kept them from having to be split up and separated. I know of at least one case where my grandmother helped a woman get into a nursing home in Des Moines. She had taken care of her parents and did not have much money. They gave in many ways that no one would ever know about.

My sister’s grandparents were not that way. They kept things and those things meant more to them than the people around them. My step-father once broke a candy dish and his mother took her hat off and would not go on a planned family outing and laid so much guilt on this little boy that he never forgot it.

Their son was a gift from God. I think they squandered that gift. The gift of love for another is also precious. That gift can be reciprocated or not. It doesn't matter. God give His gift of love to all of His creation. I John says "We love Him because he first loved us." It is too bad that so many squander that love and waste it. Sometimes we do it consciously and other times it is unconscious.

My grandmother was different. One time I slept on the couch in the living room. On either side of the couch was a small table with an antique lamp on it. In the morning one of the lamps was gone. During the night I had tossed and knocked the lamp over. It was broken beyond repair. All my grandmother ever said was that “she” shouldn’t have left the lamp there. There was not one iota of guilt laid upon me. That was a gift she gave to me that feelings are more important than things.



So I get pleasure from giving. I have been told that I am “too generous” but that is not so. I am getting more pleasure by being able to see that someone likes what I have given them than the “thing’ could ever give me.

When anyone close to me ever went on a trip they always tried to bring something back to their friends and family. I like to do that also.

I really like it when someone really thinks about what they give me. (See I like to get also) but so many times there is not much thought that goes into what I get. Not really important. I always take more to Christmas than I bring home.

Once a gift is given I have no control over what happens to it. I do like to see that it is used and the person appreciated the gift but that is not what is important. What is important is that they enjoyed getting it as much as I enjoyed giving it to them.

I guess you might say that my blog is a gift to my readers. I know that the blogs I read feel like gifts to me so I hope you think of this as my “gift” to you – Have a great day…that is God’s gift to us.

You are loved! Hugs jcs