Found For Friday

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that ?'

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
Sven and Ole are walking down a street in Madison, Wisconsin, when they see a sign on a store that reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair." Sven says to his pal,

"Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take'em back to Duluth, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune! Now when we go in there, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and try to cheat us.

Now, I'll try not to sound like we're from Minnesota.'

They go in and Sven says with his best Wisconsin accent,"I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and...."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota, ain't you?"

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Sven. "How'd you know dat!"

"Because this is a Dry-Cleaners!"
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress, “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said, “Burrr … gurrr … king”

The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossiper, and self-appointed
Monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking
Her nose into other people's business..
Several members did not approve of her
Extra curricular activities , but feared her
Enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she
Accused Frank, a new member, of being an
Alcoholic after she saw his old pickup
Parked in front of the town's
Only bar one after noon. .

She emphatically told Frank
(and several others)
That every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank , a man of few words,
Stared at her for a moment and
Just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing..

Later that evening,
Frank quietly parked his pickup
In front of Mildred's house ...
Walked home
.. . .and left it there all night !!!
(You gotta love Frank !)