Found For Friday

 A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... 

"Try doing it with the engine running."

Paraprosdokians  (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures

of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase

is  surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.   

1. Where  there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last  thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my  list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound,  some people appear bright until you hear them  speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be  wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn  how to act in public.

6. War does not determine  who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is  knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not

putting it  in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one  person is plagiarism. To steal

from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I  said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an  application, where it says, 'In case

of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be  equal to men until they can walk

down the street with a  bald head and a beer gut, and still

think they are  sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a

parachute to skydive twice.

13. I  used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call

whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church  doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a  garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old  to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to  respect my elders, but it's getting

harder and harder for me to find one  now.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.