Found For Friday

A hooded robber burst into a Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. ....
Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,

"My wife got a good look at you."

Little Johnny's teacher was explaining to the class how humans are the only animals on the planet that stutter. Little Johnny stood up & said "That's not true". The teacher said she knew this as fact, but asked Little Johnny to explain his reason for disagreeing. Little Johnny said, "The other day I was on the front porch with my cat, and the neighbor's dog came up on the porch to get him. My cat said 'f-f-f-f-f, f-f-f-f-f, f-f-f-f-f!", but before he could say 'F*CK', the dog ate him!"
On the first day of school after summer vacation, the teacher asked the kids to stand & tell a story of something interesting that happened to them during summer break. She had heard of Little Johnny & tried to extend the story telling to the end of the day in hopes that time would run out before she had to call on him. Ten minutes to 3, she was forced to call on him. Little Johnny stood up & said, "One day, my dog was chasing a rabbit in the yard. The rabbit started running around a tree. My dog chased that rabbit 'round & 'round the tree. All of sudden, my dog just STOPPED! That rabbit ran right up my dog's a**!" "Rectum, Johnny, RECTUM!", yelled the teacher. "recked 'em, hell! It killed 'em BOTH!"
Headline of the weekend: Quadruplets wander off, Police say it is a four-gone conclusion.
One day, a man went to an auction and bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The parrot was his, at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer: "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry," said the auctioneer. "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? A can't elope!!!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

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