A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "that's my pet rooster, chuck. Wherever i go, chuck goes."
"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent.
"We can't allow animals in the theatre."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge?
"He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge.. "at our age we've seen 'em all"
"I thought so too", said Mildred,
"But this one's eatin' my popcorn!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
A little girl asked her Mom, "How did the human race appear?"
The Mom answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children,
and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.
The Dad answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
"Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The Mom answered,
"Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family
"Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The Mom answered,
"Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family
I’ve just heard from a friend in central Minnesota.
He says it has been snowing heavily for three days now.
His wife has done nothing but stare through the window.
If it doesn't stop soon he’ll probably have to let her in.
During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show.
After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out, "Hey, how'd you do that ?"
"I could tell you, madam", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."
After a short pause, she yelled back, "Ok, then... Just tell my husband!"
Working With The FBI
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
The cat who wanted attention was successful. It purred severe!
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster
I was heading to Hooters for lunch but was told 'Don't bother, they have gone bust'.
Copper Wire
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, the Caneyville Post, a local newspaper in Kentucky reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Caneyville, Ky, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Kentucky had already gone wireless."
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, the Caneyville Post, a local newspaper in Kentucky reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Caneyville, Ky, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Kentucky had already gone wireless."
Just makes you proud to live in Kentucky or have Bluegrass roots, doesn't it?
Have a great week-end.
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