Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. 
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ... If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. 
Instead, keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )
Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why he was so interested in talking to her. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, "so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant", to which Michelle responded, "no, if I had married him, he would now be the President".
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting
for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming
up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door
shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind
and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the
pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low
passes so I can take pictures of the fires
on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' ,
he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
is . . .. You're NOT my flight instructor?'
"Life is short.
Drink the good wine first"
Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. I guess I was tolkien in my sleep.
The salt said 'hi' to the pepper. It was seasonings greetings.
Did you here about the pharmaceutical company?
They developed a new drug that, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent and become a nun.
The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment