Found For Friday Pun Edition

 Please note, you are obviously a techno-nerd if ALL of these make sense to you.

And if you find a mistake, and feel compelled to fix it like I did, you are definitely a techno-nerd.
Some great conversions I found…
 
1.    Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2.    2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3.    1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4.    Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5.    Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

 6.    Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7.    16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8.    Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9.    1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10.  Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

 11.  Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12.  453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13.  1 million million microphones = 1 megaphone
14.  2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15.  365.25 days = 1 unicycle

 16.  2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17.  52 cards = 1 decacards
18.  1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19.  1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20.  1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

 21.  1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22.  10 rations = 1 decoration
23.  100 rations = 1 C-ration
24.  2 monograms = 1 diagram
25.  4 nickels = 1 paradigms

 26.  2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

27.  10 rations = 1 decaration
28.  2 monograms = 1 diagram
29.  2 new dimes = new paradigms
30.  I was discussing something with an engineering buddy of mine last night. His ideas were perfectly reasonable for a while, but he suddenly took a left turn that made no sense.  I said "You just multiplied by 'i'." We laughed;  No one else laughed.   
      Oh well.  It was funny.  But I don't have a full semester to explain it to you.

Dr. Jekyll's more successful second formula turned him into a world-class sprinter rather than a violent psychopath, proving that you can run but you can't always Hyde.


Washing blankets in perfume is quilty until proven in a scent.

I can't recall the last time I did any running, but I've been jogging my memory

New Fad: Cottage Cheese diet, eat your curds and weigh.

Did you hear about the frog who traced his family history to Warsaw? He was a tad Polish.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

The mathematician did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.

We've lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,' declared Capt. John Smith, 'but don't let poker haunt us.'

News: a monkey at the zoo backed into a fan. Details to follow.

The fortune-teller gazed into his crystal ball & laughed. I punched him on the nose. It was the first time I ever struck a happy medium.

When the rangers argue at Yellowstone Park the geyser always blowing their tops

When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover.

The optical scientist who stole his colleague's bifocals was sentenced to three years in a state prism.

When there are tears at a wedding there is also eye dew.

Could it be said that you axed for it? Of course, that's not a knife thing to say, and I don't want any quarrels with you, so I'll spear you the details...