Found For Friday,

 A gorilla walks into a crowded bar.

"I'll have a manhattan, please," he says.

The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be $17."

While getting the gorilla's change, the bartender says, "You know, we don't get many gorillas in here ordering manhattans."

The gorilla says, "At $17 a drink, I'm not surprised."

 I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

 I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

 They told me I had Type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

 Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

 Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

 I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, 'Oh God, I'm screwed.' The sky darkens and a voice booms out, 'No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.' So with the stone he bashes the life out of the chief. Standing above the lifeless body, breathing heavily looking at 100 angry natives... The voice booms out again, 'Okay ..... NOW you're screwed.' 

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, but

4. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Ruminations of a Retired Reprobate

My mother's sister Ellen never married.  She moved to California and was the head of the Central Stenographic Bureau at UCLA. She lived on Inglewood Blvd. in Santa Monica.  Her home was on a high hill and you could sit in her back yard and look

a long way and see the lights come on as it got darker.  It was a beautiful view.  Google gave me their new version of Google Maps so I thought it would be fun to see if her house was still there.  Hers was but Carolyn's (next door) was gone and there is a vacant lot there now. I screen captured both places so you could see a little bit of what I meant about being able to see a long way.  When Ellen lived there the fence was not there but she had beautiful roses growing all around.  I spent the summer there once and it was wonderful  I would take Ellen and Cathy (housemate) to work at UCLA and then I had the car to go around and see things and do what I wanted to do. One time I went down to the La Brea Tar Pits.  I also took Cathy out to visit her father who was in Cedars- Siani Hospital.

I would sit in the waiting room and watch people and listen to them while I waited for Cathy.  One time there was a Rolls Royce parked in the lot.  I was told that it belonged to Tony Curtis.  I went over to look at it closer and saw a red cardigan sweater in the front seat. I could see the label.  It was from Sears.  Who knew?

My aunt had a Puli which I believe was a runaway that found its way to her place or else someone rescued it.  She told me that it had belonged to Curtis who had always kept it in a kennel and it never learned to go to the bathroom outside so he lifted his leg on her furniture. She called him PEEEdro.  I really liked him.  She also had Shelties.

We had a lot of fun that summer and it is one of my favorite memories.  Later when Ellen moved back to Ames I flew out and we packed up her car and I drove her home.  We had the car so loaded that I could only use the side mirrors. It was hard for Ellen to leave. She was glad to be coming back to Ames but she really loved her place in California.

Then I checked and found the house my nephew lives in in Arizona.  It is a nice house and there is no lawn to mow but there are also no trees surrounding it or bushes with flowers like the one outside the McFarland Eye Clinic where I went today to have my 6 month eye check-up. I snapped a picture of it with my phone.  It was raining again so I did not "stop to smell the flowers (which is advice that Ellen always gave me but I did catch a whiff and I think it was a French lilac.
I really like Dr. Hamouche and his assistant Jane.  I am very comfortable with them. I had to wait a bit longer than usual this time but it was all right.  I had my Kindle with me.

My eyes checked out OK.  I have glaucoma and "significant" cataracts but they aren't far enough along for me to have surgery on them yet.  My field of vision test was good. Pressure in the eyes was 11 for each eye and vision came in at 20/30 (whatever that means)  I guess I am doing as well as can be expected.  As long as I can read and watch TV and see pretty pictures I am doing fine.  Speaking of pretty pictures, my friend Bob Kelly came over and brought me a picture he took of Windsor Castle which he had printed on canvas.  It looks like it was painted.

I hung it in my living room so I can see it every day. If I ever win the lottery I am going to England and Scotland and maybe even France.  I suppose I will have to purchase a ticket.  Thanks for listening.  HUGZ

These are a Part of Me.

I probably need to repeat the explanation for this series of posts - In the mid 1970's I purchased a blank book and I began to use it to write some things down which I had read at one place or another that I wanted to save.  As with many things I stopped writing in the book but I did find it the other day and so I have decided to share some of the things I had written in it.) 

From Seth Speaks by Jane Roberts.

p 13 -  I can tell you, for example, that there is consciousness even within a nail, but few of my readers will take me seriously enough to stop in mid sentence, and say good morning or good afternoon to the nearest nail they can find stuck in a piece of wood.

  Nevertheless, the atoms and molecules within the nail do possess their own kind of consciousness.  The atoms and molecules that make up the paper of this book are also, within their own level, aware.  Nothing exists -- neither rock, mineral, plant, animal, or air - that is not filled with consciousness of its own kind.  So you stand amid a constant vital commotion, a gestalt of aware energy, and you are yourselves composed of conscious cells that carry within themselves the realization of their own identity that cooperate willingly to form the corporeal structure that is your body

  I am saying, of course, that there is no such thing as dead matter.  There is no object that was not formed of consciousness and each consciousness regardless of its degree rejoices in sensation and creativity.  You cannot understand what you are unless you understand such matters.

p. 19 (Birth is more of a shock than death. Sometimes when you die you do not realize it, but birth always implies a sharp and sudden recognition...)



p 30 - Creation and perception are far more intimately connected than any of your scientists realize. It is quite true that your physical senses create the reality that they perceive.  A tree is something far different to a microbe, a bird an insect and a man who stands beneath it.  I am not saying the tree only appears basic way than it exists in the form perceived by the microbe insect or bird.  You cannot perceive the quite valid reality of that tree in any context but your own.  This applies to anything within the physical system you know.
to be different. It is different.  You perceive the reality through one set of highly specialized senses.  This does not mean that its reality exists in that form in any more
  It is not that the physical reality is false.  It is that the physical picture is simply one of an infinite number of ways of perceiving the various guises through which consciousness expresses itself.  The physical senses force you to translate experience into physical perception.

Congratulations to Carole King.

And here is another version with a rather abrupt ending.  You can read about the song on Wikipedia here.

Collectania

As is my want on Tuesdays I present to you various things which I have found around the Internets.  First an essay published in 2011 entitled real women by Hanne Blank. It is one of the best I have read for men and women to ponder.

Friend Susan pointed out a new blog on Facebook and it was so wonderful that I have linked Myth & Moor on the Sidebar.

One of my former students is a marvelous creative writer of whom I have stood in awe since she was in my class.  She wrote a poem which she read at her grandfathers memorial service.  It is an amazing celebration of the heritage he left to his family.  I encourage you to go and read it and get to know this amazing man and his talented family.

 This is a delightful video from the Rainforest Site about an African Cheeta and her cub.
 

And here is a video brom Bill Moyers about the Bee and why we should be concerned.  Watch it full screen it is beautiful

Molly on Monday

Molly here,  This is my favorite picture that B G took rhis week.

It has not been what I call a good week.  I hate thunder and lightening.  I went in here a lot to sit on my bed (it used to be B G's until he hurt his shoulder so now he sleeps on the recliner - I sleep there too when it is storming. A lot of the time I sat on B G's lap and he petted me to make me feel better.  I liked that.

The other thing that wasn't good was that Dr. Brenda came.  But she was not here to see me.  She was here to see Miss Cassie.  I don't know why she didn't pay more attention to me. I had to go and sit on B G's lap while Cassie got all of Dr. Brenda's attention.  At least she got a shot and I didn't

I guess there is a trade off.  I don't like shots and she did pet me a little.







B. G. left me alone a couple of times. Ginny's new car had to be taken some place to get fixed so he and Bruce had to go to a place called Indianola. They left it there.

Then B G had to do what he called "taxi service" for Ginny and take her to work and pick her up.  He let me ride along.  That was fun.

He tool all the covers off from my bed to wash them.

Then when he put them back he covered me up with them  I don't like covers.

So I got out from under and I know you have seen this picture before but I like it best. Look at it again.

All this posing wore me out. Nap time.

Here are some things we saw on our trip.  This was a strage looking thing outside a building at Iowa State.  It moves with the wind.  B G said it was a "Cyclone"  - I thought it was dumb and so did Bruce.

Then we went by this house that some guy lives in who is a fan of the Civil War.  He made his house look like a Plantation and has a carved tree in front with Civil War Era figures on it.  B G thought that it was nice but he would like to have seen that house on an acreage with no other houses close by.  Oh well - to each his own.

Have a Grrrreat Week - Woof!

Sunday Salute LXI

William Henry "Bill" Gates III (born October 28, 1955) is an American business

magnate, investor, programmer, inventor and philanthropist. Gates is the former chief executive and current chairman of Microsoft, the world’s largest personal-computer software company, which he co-founded alongside Paul Allen.
...
In the later stages of his career, Gates has pursued a number of philanthropic endeavors, donating large amounts of money to various charitable organizations and scientific research programs through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, established in 2000.

You can read the fascinating story of Bill Gate' life (as a Harvard Drop Out) from his high school years to becoming one of the richest men in the world at Wikipedia

Gates began to appreciate the expectations others had of him when public opinion mounted suggesting that he could give more of his wealth to charity. Gates studied the work of Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller, and in 1994 sold some of his Microsoft stock to create the William H. Gates Foundation. In 2000, Gates and his wife combined three family foundations into one to create the charitable Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which is the largest transparently operated charitable foundation in the world. The foundation allows benefactors access to information regarding how its money is being spent, unlike other major charitable organizations such as theWellcome Trust.^[ The generosity and extensive philanthropy of David Rockefeller has been credited as a major influence. Gates and his father met with Rockefeller several times, and modeled their giving in part on the Rockefeller family's philanthropic focus, namely those global problems that are ignored by governments and other organizations. As of 2007, Bill and Melinda Gates were the second-most generous philanthropists in America, having given over $28 billion to charity; the couple plan to eventually donate 95% of their wealth to charity
...
On December 9, 2010, Gates, investor Warren Buffett, and Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook's CEO) signed a promise they called the "Gates-Buffet Giving Pledge", in which they promised to donate to charity at least half of their wealth over the course of time.

Quotes - 

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

It's fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

I'm a great believer that any tool that enhances communication has profound effects in terms of how people can learn from each other, and how they can achieve the kind of freedoms that they're interested in.

Life is not fair; get used to it.

I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to act.

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important.

Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.

As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.

Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.

I really had a lot of dreams when I was a kid, and I think a great deal of that grew out of the fact that I had a chance to read a lot.

Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Previous Salutes George and Joy Adamson Maya Angelou Harry Belafonte Johnny Carson Rachel Carson    Jimmy Carter  Bill Clinton  Country Music Artists Matt Damon   Doris Day Ellen DeGeneres  Princess Diana  Placido Domingo Marion Wright Edelman  Dwight Eisenhower Black Elk Richard Engle Sally Field  Bill Gates Mohandas Gandhi   Whoopi Goldberg Jane Goodall Dag Hammarskjold Helen Hayes  Audrey Hepburn    Dorothy Hinders Michele J. Howard Lyndon B. Johnson  Helen Keller Virginal McKenna

Edward "Ted" Kennedy  Martin Luther King, Jr  Dalai Lama   David Letterman Rachael Maddow   Miriam Makeba Nelson Mandella   The Masons  Paul Newman Michelle Obama   Sean Penn   Brad Pitt   Sidney Poitier Martha Raye Ann Richards Bishop Gene Robinson Jackie Robinson Eleanor Roosevelt    Jehan Sadat   Beverly Sills  Dame Maggie Smith John Shelby Spong John Stamos Barbra Striesand Elizabeth Taylor Danny Thomas Harry S Truman    Bishop Desmond Tutu  Cecely Tyson             Betty White

Sunday

'Come out into the world about you, be it either wide or limited. Sympathize, not in thought only, but in action, with all about you. Make yourself known and felt for something that would be loved and missed, in twenty thousand little ways, if you were to die; then your life will be a happy one, believe me.'

– Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

 Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have.'

– Margaret Mead (1901-1978)

Carl Sagan once wrote, 'For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.'"

  ...the infinitude of divine Principle, this One, All, and Only, this indivisible Infinite, within which we are held divinely, from which identity can never lapse, from which it can never be torn apart by a supposed second power. In other words, God's universe is as intact today at the point of perfection within the divine order as it was when "the morning stars sang together."

John Lawrence Sinton

 Each morning upon rising, and each evening before sleeping, give thanks for the life within you and for all life, for the good things the Creator has given you and for the opportunity to grow a little more each day. 

Native American Indian Traditional Code of Ethics

"Love is the recognition of beauty"

A flower doesn't stop being beautiful just because somebody walks by without noticing it, nor does it cease to be fragrant if its scent is taken for granted. The flower just continues to be its glorious self: elegant, graceful, and magnificent.

Dalai Lama

If we make consistent effort, based on proper education, we can

change the world. We are selfish, that’s natural, but we need to be 

wisely selfish, not foolishly selfish. We have to concern ourselves 

more with others’ well-being, that’s the way to be wisely selfish. 

We have the ability to take the long-term benefit into account. I 

think it is possible to make real change in this century.

God is Love.  Can we ask Him to be more?  God is intelligence.  Can we inform the infinite Mind of anything He does not already comprehend?  Do we expect to change perfection?  Shall we plead for more at the open fount, which is pouring forth more than we accept?   Mary Baker Eddy

 Proverbs 24:13,14
My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste: So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul:

The light which shines in the eye is really the light of the heart.

The light which fills the heart is the light of Beloved.

Rumi 

“Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” - Henry Miller, 1950.