Found For Friday

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief,

confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill,

they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

h/t Kevin C

  When I was young my intent was to go to medical school,  but I was confused by the entrance exam.

 

The deciding question was,  "Re-arrange the letters  P N E S I  to spell out an important part  of the human body that is more useful when erect."

 

Those who spelled  SPINE became doctors. The rest are in  Congress.

 I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, got a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to one of your good-looking girlfriends over there instead of you."

 I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

 

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.  "Come on, what day was I born"?

 

I said, "Yesterday."

 I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.   

 

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."   

 

I said "Definitely!  Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

CARS IN HEAVEN
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And
you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many
times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Twelve times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."