Found For Friday - Halloween Edition

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...


What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..." behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...
"BUMP... BUMP... BUMP..."

The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him ....... faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him, however, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... on the heals of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door.

Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything... all he can find is a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin... and... of course...

wait for it

It is Bad1


the coffin stops!

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.


7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
You lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask,"
And you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..."
And can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night,
You have a bag full of restraining orders.


3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
Neighborhood with a walker.


And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.

What do goblins and ghosts eat for breakfast?
Ghost Toasties, Scream of Wheat, Pentagram Crackers with Poisenbury Jam and Brain Muffins

What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid, Apple Spider and Bloody Marys.

What is the favorite food of mathematicians?
Pumpkin Pi

How can you make a Jack-o-lantern stop smoking?
Make him wear a pumpkin patch

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.

What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
wRAP.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.

Where do most werewolves live?
In HOWLlywood, California.

Where do most goblins live?
in North and South Scarolina.

Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
At a ghastly station.

What do you call a little monsters parents?
Mummy and Deadly.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
Sour-puss.