Found For Friday

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.


He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.


'Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe...Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and do my hair?'

Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 

Words of Wisdom

by kenju

It 's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

When blonds have more fun do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES; USE BIRTH CONTROL.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.


Don't Drink and Drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you ... Fuzzy green meat is bad for you

.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY

"You know why a banana is like a politician?
First he's green, then he turns yellow, and then he's rotten."

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR
drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."

Learn from your elders





A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next   to each other on a long flight.



The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.



So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.



The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.



The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun.  I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.  Then  you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.



This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.



The lawyer asks the first question.  'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'



The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.



Now it's the senior's turn.  He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'



The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.



He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. 

After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.



He wakes the senior and hands him $500.  The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.



The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes  down with four?'



The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. 

I had some trouble with Blogger and I did not find many cartoons this week. Hopefully next week I will improve. Thanks to Kenju for the words of wisdom. Have a great week-end