Found For Friday

 A Cajun guy moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job. 

The manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'The guy says 'Mais oui. I was a salesman back in Louisiana ...'Well, the boss liked the Cajun guy and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did..'His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?' The Cajun guy says, 'One.' The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?' The Cajun guy says, '$101,237.65.'The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?' The Cajun guy says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition..' The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'The Cajun guy from Louisiana said 'Mais non! The guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Bro, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

 The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic.  Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

 The Usher
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row, please," she answered..
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

And speaking of puns. Someone at CNN likes puns. Just listen for all of them in this story by Anderson Cooper

A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won the Lottery?"

She says, "I'd take half, then leave you."

"Excellent," he replies, "I just won £10 , here's £5 - now clear off!"

 Why Go to Church? 
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1), they don't like me, and
(2), I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 49 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"

 Show and Tell 
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.  Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David." 
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary." 
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."

The Best Way to Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby 
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. 
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." 
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." 
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

 Thanks for stopping by.  Have a great week-end.