Imagine my surprise when I read Brother Chris Hodapp's Blog to see my friend Ken Davis was elected as Master of Vitruvian Lodge No. 767. Read about it here. I met Ken when he came to Ames to visit his father Wayne who is also a friend and who reads this Blog. Congratulations Ken. Maybe now I can come to visit Vitruvian.
I went to Des Moines this afternoon to work at the Consistory. This was the next to the last day of the Reunion. As I left town I saw little ghosts and goblins carrying sacks of goodies down the street. Evidently the pre-school kids got to trick or treat in the stores.
There is a picture of Shane in costume working at his desk before the degree to see the other pictures I took click here.
Tomorrow I go to Cedar Rapids so I will miss the big Gala. There are over 325 reservations for the Banquet and Dance. There won't be as many at the event I will be attending. but it is a nice group. Have a great week-end everyone. Thanks for stopping by, ARTYAL, Hugs, j
As always click on the button to see the guidelines. And don't forget to go to Raven's Nest to see all the others.
Ten Word Challenge: squeaky toy, perpendicular, olives, shanty, howling at the moon, soul, bow and arrow, uniform, statistics, praying mantis
Mini Challenge: glamour, rocking chair, cormorant, objective, symbolism
Phrog stepped on a squeaky toy as he prepared to leave. He knew that he must do something outstanding soon in order to help the pour soul who was turning from a bright red to a pale orange.. He looked down and picked up a toy bow and arrow that was lying beside the rocking chair. He walked over to the cupboard and opened the door. He looked on the shelf and found the cinnamon. "Now let me see what else I can get for you," he said to LiGa. He found a jar of olives and spread the cinnamon over the olives.
"Try these," he said," they will soon have you howling at the moon like a praying mantis."
LiGa took the plate and sampled the concoction. "These will soon give me my glamour back." he said and ate several.
Saydie looked over at him and thought to herself. "He really is quite handsome. I wonder if I could get him out of that perpendicular, position and into a horizontal one?" She never could be objective about the male animals around her. Last week she went after a handsomecormorant. She really must get into therapy. She had heard that David Ducoveny had entered the clinic and she was in hopes to hook up with him. Now where has Sallyie gone she wondered.
Phrog, Let's go down to the little shanty by the lake and see if she is there. We can look in her closet and see if her Order of the Salamander uniform is there. If it is there perhaps she has gone ahead to the meeting. She has to get the statistics ready for her report on membership after all. Perhaps I am just being foolish. Come on Boys let's go!"
LiGa thought that surely there must be some symbolism to Phrog's remark "Howling like a preying mantis." Perhaps it had something to do with the Order of the Salamanders. Maybe he could fool them into thinking he was a member and gain their secrets that way. Then perhaps he could do with out the monthly infusion of cinnamon.
Next Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: France, cold weather, backhoe, light and shadow, Humane society, ambivalent, “Happy Birthday, Sarah Jane,” Martians, Thanksgiving Day Parade, green eyes
Mini Challenge: she’ll be comin' round the mountain when she comes, pumpkin pie, yellow jacket, short-changed, life after 50
Happy Halloween Everybody! I mixed it up a little.
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a U.S. Congressman", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
You know you’re a redneck when…
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.. 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ? 20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side. 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements. 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
"Responsibility for out children's' success doesn't start in Washington. It starts in our homes. No education policy can replace a parent who's involved in their child's education from day one, who makes sure their children are in school on time, helps them with their homework, and attends those parent teacher conferences. No government program can turn off the TV set, or put away the video games, or read to your children."
Click on the picture on the left to go to the Web site to purchase the Wall Street Coffin. Perfect gift for this season.
Being a retired teacher with no money anyway I didn't have any to lose. But it is a symbol of the American Spirit that someone is making money out of the disaster. And they are donating 15% to charity.
John and I have been exchanging jokes. (Actually most of them came from John) Seems to me we all need them. Here they are:
1.
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone - don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
He replied "Wrong number asshole" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and I hung up.
I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello?"
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up).
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you? " he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Asshole, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers. "
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called asshole # 2: "Hello?" he said.
"Hello Asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance! I'm coming over right now."
Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.
There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.
Now, I feel better...
Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is exhausting....
2.
That reminded me of this:
And finally we have this one:
3.
My FAVORITE is this one:
I was at Wal-Mart the other day to pick up a bag of Purina for good ol' Ralph.
As I was waiting in line, the old biddy behind me said, "Oh! Do you have a dog?"
My first impulse was to say, "Yup! A Golden Retriever!"
Then I had another thought.
"Why, no, ma'am! In fact I don't. You see, I'm thinking about going back on the dog food diet."
"W-h-a-a-a-t?" she said. "You mean you intend to EAT that yourself?"
By now other folks were listening to our conversation.
"Yes, indeed! Before I went into the hospital, I found that I lost a lot of weight that way."
"But people can't eat DOG food," she said reproachfully.
"Oh, I beg to differ with you! Check the labels on dog food. Good-quality kibble is high in protein, has lots of necessary vitamins and minerals, and is generally low in fat. I used to carry a couple of handsful of Purina around in my pockets, and when I needed a snack, a few kibbles hit the spot. Then I ate sparingly at the other meals, and the pounds just melted away."
By now we were surrounded by silent listeners.
"But it CAN'T be good for you," she exclaimed. "It landed you in the hospital, after all!"
"Oh, no!" I replied. "That's not why I was in the hospital. It was all the broken bones."
"Broken bones? I just don't understand..."
"Well, you see, it's like this. I'd been on the dog food diet about two months, and I'd already lost about 20 pounds. I felt like a million bucks. Then one day I was walking down the street, and stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle's ass. We were both hit by a bus."
They probably heard the laughter and applause three blocks away.
I don't watch Dancing with the Stars but - I do like Cloris (She is from Des Moines after all) and she is 82. Last night she got voted off (a travesty in my opinion).
She reminded me of my Aunt Ethyl who used to dance the Twist with us when she was in her 80's - Both awesome. Enjoy the last dance. j
Dom says that "Thursday night you can listen in at www.bsu.edu/ipr
Unfortunately he did not give me a time so your guess is as good as mine. (I found the poster on their web site Click on it to go to the Web Site.)Addendum again: Dom says: You rock! I posted the time on the blog, but now I realize it might not make sense. The poster says 7:30, but that’s to get the audience in their seats, explain what will happen, etc. The live broadcast begins at 8 eastern 7 p.m. Iowa time.
Ball St. recreating 'War of the Worlds' broadcast
MUNCIE, Ind. (AP) -- Ball State University is preparing to recreate Orson Welles' 1938 broadcast of "The War of the Worlds" that sparked panic among some listeners who thought Earth was being invaded by aliens. Indiana Public Radio General Manager Marcus Jackman says Thursday night's live broadcast -- 70 years after Welles' broadcast -- will be a treat for attentive, creative listeners. Organizers says it's safe to assume no one will be fooled by the actors' performance into thinking that Martians are invading the Earth. A Ball State professor will lead a pre-broadcast discussion about Welles' broadcast version of H.G. Wells' science fiction tale, and the fear it sparked. The production is a partnership between Indiana Public Radio and Ball State's telecommunications department.
I went to Des Moines this afternoon to work at the Consistory. This was the next to the last day of the Reunion. As I left town I saw little ghosts and goblins carrying sacks of goodies down the street. Evidently the pre-school kids got to trick or treat in the stores.
As always click on the button to see the guidelines.
Happy Halloween Everybody! I mixed it up a little.
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
You know you’re a redneck when…
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
