The Ballad of Johnny Sands

I was reading "Rules by the Meanest Mommy" the other day and came across this entry.

Part A – Do not tie your hands behind your back and tell your cousin to push you off the porch.

Part B – If your cousin ties her hands behind her back and tells you to push her off the porch, don’t.

Part C – If you hit your head because your hands were tied behind your back while your cousin pushed you off the porch (per your request), do not blame your cousin.

It reminded me of an old song which I learned as a child.  Not sure whether my grandfather or his brother taught it to me but I found the words on line. I changed a few of them to the way I remembered them

Johnny Sands

Johnny Sands

There was a man named Johnny Sands.
Who married a Betsy Hague.
Although she brought him gold and lands,
She proved a terrible plague.

The old man vowed he would drown himself;
In the river that ran below."
"Pray do," said she you silly old fool.
I wished it long ago."

"For fear that I might courage lack,
And try to save my life,
You tie my hands behind my back."
"I will," replied his wife.

She tied his hands behind his back,
And when securely done,
He said now I'll stand on the brink,
And you prepare to run."

So down the hill this lovin' wife
Came running with all her force
The old man stepped a little one side,
And in she tumbled in, of course.

Now Dashing splashing like a fish,
"Oh Save me, Johnny Sands!"
"I can't, my dear, though much I wish,
For you have tied my hands."

(Traditional Appalachian)