Found For Friday

 George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to Room 217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.

George asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

"$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"

George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25 bucks?"

 As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. with a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,

'How dare you touch my body!  I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled,  'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, But after you unzipped my fly three times,  I kinda figured we was friends.' 

My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"

I proudly replied "Only you, Darling. All the others kept me awake."

Hospital visiting hours are from 10:00 a.m. - 8:00 p.m.

 Attention All 

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL," and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn." 

CHINESE SICK LEAVE - " I  NO COME WORK TODAY"

Hung Chow calls into work and  says, " Hey, I no come work today, I really
sick. I got  headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come  work."

The boss says, " I really need you today.  When I feel like this, I go to
my wife and tell her to give  me sex. That makes everything better and I go
to work. You  try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.  "I do what you say and I feel

great. I be at work soon........................ You got nice  house.

  Sort of brings a tear to one s eye.

"Easter Honeymoon"           

On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent!"

Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!"

"To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"

 "A Will Power Test"                 

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort.

The first few weeks weren’t too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband
to sleep on the couch.

Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife’s bedroom door.

"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"

Husband: "Guess who?"

Wife: "I know who it is!"

Husband: "Guess what I want?"

Wife: "I know what you want!" 

Husband: "Guess what I’m knocking with?"

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. 

"That's cool," says Bobby. 
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." 
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby--so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, Bobby's eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. 
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: 
"DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

 Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was very concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!"

 I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice-cubes got stuck up my nose.

 If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take a Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
man?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

 When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time
it was to set it to?

Which is the other side of the street?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

I hope that you have a great weekend in your future.  Thanks for stopping by. Hugs.