Found For Friday

The Fairy:

A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60^th birthdays. 

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.

What is a calorie?

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at
night and sew your clothes tighter. 
MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!

  

Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar.

I have noticed that many who text messages & email have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.   
 
I know you appreciate this reminder. 

  

Woops Sorry About That 

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin 's Preacher to be with him in his final moments. 

As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin 's condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn' t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. 

It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I' m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. 

The note said HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!  

  

Why I Am now Divorced

Last Thursday was my birthday. After getting out of bed I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday’' and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' 

I thought.... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember. 

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' 

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!' 

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. 

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?' 

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' 

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.' 

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 

'Ok.' I nervously replied. 

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. 

And I just sat there.... 

...On the couch... 

...Naked.

  

 When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

Have a great week-end and thanks for stopping by.  Hugs, j